The Botanist Drunkard
Gardening after having a few drinks can be quite the challenge. Caring for plants requires patience and a delicate hand. Plants should be tended while one is sober, but they can be picked if one is a bit drunk. The best plants to choose while drunk is the ones that make drinks even tastier. A drunkard could design his whole garden around his favorite alcoholic beverages.
It makes sense to start with brunch since a quality drunkard is unlikely to be out of bed in time for a proper breakfast. A mimosa made out of fresh oranges from the tree nursery is the perfect way to begin the day. Alternately, one could use newly-ripe tomatoes in a bloody mary, sweetened with a spritz of lemon or lime juice. A garden center would probably sell hanging tomato vines that can be grown on a porch or even indoors, but tomatoes always taste best when they are built the traditional way.
A smart drunkard should keep his herb garden stocked with stevia. Stevia is a natural sweetener that has only a few calories per serving. It takes on a bitter flavor when it is cooked, so it can only be used as an additive in drinks and simple recipes. Its leaves can be muddled in water to create a simple natural syrup. They could also be dried and then ground into a fine green powder. Stevia drastically reduces the calorie count of sweet beverages.
This simple syrup could be combined with lime juice from the tree nursery to make margarita mix. Traditional margaritas do not include any sweeteners, though many people are too accustomed to using store-bought margarita mixes to drink plain lime juice comfortably. Another margarita ingredient that can be purchased at a garden center and planted at home is a hibiscus shrub. Dried hibiscus petals add a rich, slightly sweet quality to margarita salt. Hibiscus salt is starting to become popular in tropical vacation spots, with shakers of it selling for as much as $30. Hibiscus petals could be hung upside down for a few days to dry and then crushed and added to margarita salt. Some people like to use kosher salt instead since its flaky texture allows for better integration of the crushed flowers.
However the botanist drunkard decides to combine his two favorite hobbies, he can rest assured that his green thumb is resulting in healthier, more flavorful drinks.